Training for a triathlon is a really eye-opening experience, and not just in how jarring the required physical activity and skills are. I've noticed a lot about myself in the 2 months that I've been doing this - most notably how patterns emerge in my response to challenge that surface in my everyday life as well.
The fact is that I am having the experience of myself right now as really kind of self-sabotaging myself. No, I don't have doubts that I will complete it -- I will get through it, even if it's not pretty. But the thing I've done my whole life -- of using my innate capabilities to 'get me through' - even if it doesn't require 100% effort...well it continues. I could be doing more than I'm doing. I have yet to take charge of my nutrition (in fact, while I am building muscle and stamina, I have gained weight), it has been weeks since I completed every recommended workout, and today I bailed on my swim practice just because I was a little tired. I'm not meaning to berate myself in this, but I am noticing how easy I tend to give up on myself, or not hold myself accountable -- like there's a little devil on one shoulder and angel on the other and more often than not, I give into the devil.
I receive high praises for doing this whenever I talk about it -- and yes, I have made many strides that I'm proud of. Our coaches are proud...I've come a long way. But at the end of the day, we each go to bed knowing if we gave it our 100% best. And I know I'm not. What is it? Fear of failure? Fear of success? One of those cliches perhaps...but either way there's a lot of fear couched in a sort of self-deprecation and shoulder-shrugging approach to training and my wanting more for myself...It scares me to know people are watching and rooting me on...to be perfectly honest.
Tomorrow I will do the workout as prescribed and start working towards not just finishing the race, dragging ass across the finish line, but doing it to the best of my ability, and really start to catch myself when I start to sell myself short.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Tri-ing it for the 1st time!
Yesterday was the 1st day that we did all 3 components of a triathlon in one practice, and it gave me a real sense of exactly how much more intense and crazy race day is going to be than I had even realized.
We met in Long Beach at 7:45 a.m. I was so tired my eyes were practically closed shut. You know those nights where you KNOW you need to fall asleep at a decent time and because of the pressure, you just CAN'T? I was sitting on the edge of the bed at around 2 a.m. crying b/c I was so tired but my dumb brain was on hyper-overdrive. THere wasn't enough time to pop an ambien, so I just took the couple hours and figured I *might* survive the day. I barely remember the drive down there at 7 a.m. but I made it, and found my teammates somewhere on the vast landscape that is Long Beach.
First off we got a lesson in putting on our wetsuits. I figured out how to get it done a little more gracefully, but wow, was it as tight as I had remembered. Lubing up with bodyglide only goes so far. I am glad sharks prefer seals to a well-stuffed vienna sausage, because that's what I actually resemble all wetsuitted up. I was amused that our first 'ocean swim' was actually in a little harbor, not the open ocean. I'm not actually complaining about the calmness of the water, but rather that it seemed rather sewer-ish and quite frankly, was disgusting. I had briefly thought maybe a sleevless wetsuit would have been a better choice, but in retrospect the less skin actually in the water, probably the better for avoiding the dysentary. The day I actaully have to fight the surf to get out to the swim will be one for the recordbooks.
The first remarkable thing about getting in the water is that except for instant numbness in your hands and feet, you really feel NOTHING. It's amazing.
Secondly, you float completely. You can just lay back and not have to do anything to stay afloat. In fact our coach encouraged us to not kick so much when we swim b/c it just wastes energy, to just use the buoyance of the wetsuit and your arms (and draft off other swimmers) to get where you're going. Some of the boys were even more dumbfounded than I was at being able to float so well in water. I told them they can have the experience without the wetsuit if they grow some boobs and bodyfat.
I tried to avoid putting my face in for as long as possible, but ultimately you just have to do it, in order to get anywhere. It is SO different than swimming in a pool. You can't see ANYthing under the water, first of all, and second of all, there are no lanes, so I spent the entire swim zigzagging between other swimmings, kinda bouncing off them. I think one arm must be much stronger than the other b/c I practially swim in circles without the lanes to rein me in.
We did 1/2 mile...survived 1/2 mile...without contracting any infectious diseases from the nasty gnarly water, and then headed out to the bike.
It's very disorienting coming out of the water, but since my transition took about 15 minutes by the time i got on the bike - it should take like 3 minutes -- I was relatively back to normal. We did 45 minutes and then came back to transition for the run. I was annoyed on the bike ride when a 60+ year old man in SLACKS and a button-down passed me on the bridge. What the F*CK! He musta had serious bionic legs under those slacks.
I don't have much else to say about the bike/run except that wow, is it a lot harder after being i n salt water. Your skin is tight and dry, your clothes are wet, and personally I feel off kilter, maybe from water in the ear. I ran the whole 2.5 miles, but I can see that doing 6 on the actual race day, when it's NOT flat, is going to be quite a feat. Running is like torture to me...I'm sure some of it has to be with still being a higher bodyweight than I want to be, that it'll get easier, but I'm still fighting it. I'm sure fancy new shoes would help :).
So anyway, I managed to get home, but was I exhausted! The little-known 4th leg of a triathlon is called "nap"...and I excel in that.
We met in Long Beach at 7:45 a.m. I was so tired my eyes were practically closed shut. You know those nights where you KNOW you need to fall asleep at a decent time and because of the pressure, you just CAN'T? I was sitting on the edge of the bed at around 2 a.m. crying b/c I was so tired but my dumb brain was on hyper-overdrive. THere wasn't enough time to pop an ambien, so I just took the couple hours and figured I *might* survive the day. I barely remember the drive down there at 7 a.m. but I made it, and found my teammates somewhere on the vast landscape that is Long Beach.
First off we got a lesson in putting on our wetsuits. I figured out how to get it done a little more gracefully, but wow, was it as tight as I had remembered. Lubing up with bodyglide only goes so far. I am glad sharks prefer seals to a well-stuffed vienna sausage, because that's what I actually resemble all wetsuitted up. I was amused that our first 'ocean swim' was actually in a little harbor, not the open ocean. I'm not actually complaining about the calmness of the water, but rather that it seemed rather sewer-ish and quite frankly, was disgusting. I had briefly thought maybe a sleevless wetsuit would have been a better choice, but in retrospect the less skin actually in the water, probably the better for avoiding the dysentary. The day I actaully have to fight the surf to get out to the swim will be one for the recordbooks.
The first remarkable thing about getting in the water is that except for instant numbness in your hands and feet, you really feel NOTHING. It's amazing.
Secondly, you float completely. You can just lay back and not have to do anything to stay afloat. In fact our coach encouraged us to not kick so much when we swim b/c it just wastes energy, to just use the buoyance of the wetsuit and your arms (and draft off other swimmers) to get where you're going. Some of the boys were even more dumbfounded than I was at being able to float so well in water. I told them they can have the experience without the wetsuit if they grow some boobs and bodyfat.
I tried to avoid putting my face in for as long as possible, but ultimately you just have to do it, in order to get anywhere. It is SO different than swimming in a pool. You can't see ANYthing under the water, first of all, and second of all, there are no lanes, so I spent the entire swim zigzagging between other swimmings, kinda bouncing off them. I think one arm must be much stronger than the other b/c I practially swim in circles without the lanes to rein me in.
We did 1/2 mile...survived 1/2 mile...without contracting any infectious diseases from the nasty gnarly water, and then headed out to the bike.
It's very disorienting coming out of the water, but since my transition took about 15 minutes by the time i got on the bike - it should take like 3 minutes -- I was relatively back to normal. We did 45 minutes and then came back to transition for the run. I was annoyed on the bike ride when a 60+ year old man in SLACKS and a button-down passed me on the bridge. What the F*CK! He musta had serious bionic legs under those slacks.
I don't have much else to say about the bike/run except that wow, is it a lot harder after being i n salt water. Your skin is tight and dry, your clothes are wet, and personally I feel off kilter, maybe from water in the ear. I ran the whole 2.5 miles, but I can see that doing 6 on the actual race day, when it's NOT flat, is going to be quite a feat. Running is like torture to me...I'm sure some of it has to be with still being a higher bodyweight than I want to be, that it'll get easier, but I'm still fighting it. I'm sure fancy new shoes would help :).
So anyway, I managed to get home, but was I exhausted! The little-known 4th leg of a triathlon is called "nap"...and I excel in that.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Devastating News
I found out last night at swim practice that the pool we practice in is measured in YARDS not meters.....
**********************
We had a short swim practice last night...short because it didn't have drills and w e were just required to swim 1500 YARDS -- 500 split up into 3 sets. By split up, I mean we were given just 30 seconds rest in between sets. Not much of a partition if you ask me. My first lap of the 60 was strong. By the end, i'm not even sure I was pulling with my arms; they were just kinda flapping into the water. Form was out the window. It wasn't pretty, but i made it. I have a feeling swimming in the ocean this coming saturday is going to be a unique and wonderful experience. :)
**********************
We had a short swim practice last night...short because it didn't have drills and w e were just required to swim 1500 YARDS -- 500 split up into 3 sets. By split up, I mean we were given just 30 seconds rest in between sets. Not much of a partition if you ask me. My first lap of the 60 was strong. By the end, i'm not even sure I was pulling with my arms; they were just kinda flapping into the water. Form was out the window. It wasn't pretty, but i made it. I have a feeling swimming in the ocean this coming saturday is going to be a unique and wonderful experience. :)
Monday, April 21, 2008
Call me Flipper
Saturday I got my wetsuit!!! My first impression of it was that it came in a great tote bag, was beautiful and gray/black, was thicker than I expected, and says Team-in-Training on it. My second impression was that it looked awfully small. My mom questioned my ability to actually get it on; I wondered as well.
After about 20 minutes of wrangling, squeezing, grunting, and pulling, i got it on and it certainly does fit like a (OJ's) glove. I'm not sure exactly how they expect me to fit a pair of triathlon shorts and a sports bra under it cuz it's already pretty obscene. But it holds you in, that's for sure, and also outlines every last nook and cranny. Who says triathlon isn't a spectator sport?
Next weekend I'll actually be wearing it IN THE OCEAN! This past weekend we practiced running up the beach (we had the option this time of not going in if we didn't want to; i opted to only put a toe in) and practicing transitions. It gave me a closer idea of what i'm in for...more to come.
After about 20 minutes of wrangling, squeezing, grunting, and pulling, i got it on and it certainly does fit like a (OJ's) glove. I'm not sure exactly how they expect me to fit a pair of triathlon shorts and a sports bra under it cuz it's already pretty obscene. But it holds you in, that's for sure, and also outlines every last nook and cranny. Who says triathlon isn't a spectator sport?
Next weekend I'll actually be wearing it IN THE OCEAN! This past weekend we practiced running up the beach (we had the option this time of not going in if we didn't want to; i opted to only put a toe in) and practicing transitions. It gave me a closer idea of what i'm in for...more to come.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Another Post About My Crotch
First of all, i have a love/hate relationship with the word "crotch".
Second of all, having done my longest ride to date - 28 miles along Pacific Coast Highway - it's on my mind. Despite my diaper shorts, there is no getting around a certain amount of discomfort. As someone on my team put it, you still end up making love to your seat. Only it's not sweet sweet love, it's more like rough uncomfortable angry love. Fortunately, the overriding discomfort of being bent over for 2 hours, in narrow shoes attached to the pedals, helps take your mind off of some of that.
We also practiced getting on and off the bikes in the transition area (from swim to bike/bike to swim)...it was all going w ell until on my 3rd practice try, I decided to try and dismount while moving and by kicking my leg over my handlebars rather than behind me. I fell. And I was embarrassed. Lesson learned :)
Second of all, having done my longest ride to date - 28 miles along Pacific Coast Highway - it's on my mind. Despite my diaper shorts, there is no getting around a certain amount of discomfort. As someone on my team put it, you still end up making love to your seat. Only it's not sweet sweet love, it's more like rough uncomfortable angry love. Fortunately, the overriding discomfort of being bent over for 2 hours, in narrow shoes attached to the pedals, helps take your mind off of some of that.
We also practiced getting on and off the bikes in the transition area (from swim to bike/bike to swim)...it was all going w ell until on my 3rd practice try, I decided to try and dismount while moving and by kicking my leg over my handlebars rather than behind me. I fell. And I was embarrassed. Lesson learned :)
Friday, April 11, 2008
Breaking Wind
Yesterday I finally went on my maiden voyage on the new bike I got for my birthday. Erik found a beautiful, only slightly used Specialized on craigslist, which we adopted on March 21st. Ok, ok, granted, yesterday was April 10th, which means several weeks since purchase, but in fairness, I had some personal matters going o n, which impeded training.
Whilst at my parents house this last weekend, I took the opportunity to try her out. It's a lot different riding a road bike than a hybrid -- you are much more bent over and the wheels are 1/2 the size which raises my chance of eating asphalt by at least 1000%. On top of that, I had only used my clips and new shoes one other time, so I was nervous. My mom offered ideas on local streets around my house to practice on but somehow I took a wrong turn. There was a loud alarm that went off in my head as I was hurtling a 45degree downhill at what seemed like 30 mph. In conjuntion, I actually said 'oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck' about 10 times. This was not because I thought I might fall, but because it meant that after less than 5 minutes of riding, I had now sealed the fate of having to go up an even steeper hill on the way back. (don't ask me how that works,but it's true).
So after 7 minutes of riding, I ended up walking (which is not easy in bike shoes) about 15 minutes straight uphill back home. It was not pretty. My 45 minute ambitions were a bit too lofty. My plans to run were a joke. But at least I had now TRIED the new girl out.
So yesterday, in the South Bay and along 11 miles of oceanfront, I had my first REAL ride on a road bike -- 60 minutes followed by a 10 minute run -- and it was nice. It would have been nicer if I had realized my front brake was dragging on my wheel sooner than mile 6, but oh well....better workout, right?
This weekend, there are 2 ride/runs scheduled, which is good. I would say despite not working out today, I'll get 5 of 7 workouts in this week, so I'm back on track. 10 weeks to go.
Whilst at my parents house this last weekend, I took the opportunity to try her out. It's a lot different riding a road bike than a hybrid -- you are much more bent over and the wheels are 1/2 the size which raises my chance of eating asphalt by at least 1000%. On top of that, I had only used my clips and new shoes one other time, so I was nervous. My mom offered ideas on local streets around my house to practice on but somehow I took a wrong turn. There was a loud alarm that went off in my head as I was hurtling a 45degree downhill at what seemed like 30 mph. In conjuntion, I actually said 'oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck' about 10 times. This was not because I thought I might fall, but because it meant that after less than 5 minutes of riding, I had now sealed the fate of having to go up an even steeper hill on the way back. (don't ask me how that works,but it's true).
So after 7 minutes of riding, I ended up walking (which is not easy in bike shoes) about 15 minutes straight uphill back home. It was not pretty. My 45 minute ambitions were a bit too lofty. My plans to run were a joke. But at least I had now TRIED the new girl out.
So yesterday, in the South Bay and along 11 miles of oceanfront, I had my first REAL ride on a road bike -- 60 minutes followed by a 10 minute run -- and it was nice. It would have been nicer if I had realized my front brake was dragging on my wheel sooner than mile 6, but oh well....better workout, right?
This weekend, there are 2 ride/runs scheduled, which is good. I would say despite not working out today, I'll get 5 of 7 workouts in this week, so I'm back on track. 10 weeks to go.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Little green guys...
I turned 30, and it was a blast. I partied at my surprise party as any person leaving their 20's might...and i expected that I'd take a day to recover and gave away the day before my b-day and the day of to 'celebrate' with family and friends.
Little did I expect that I would end up sick for days and days...and not a cold sick...like breathing sick -- asthma on top of chest cold.
I"m bummed to report that it has now been 11 days since a workout. But today is the day. Even though I'm still hacking up a lung. I'll be in the water and hope that I can at least do 1/2 the workout without drowning in the 3-foot deep pool. That's the goal.
IT's frustrating, but I'm at least grateful that I still have 12 weeks to go. It's plenty of time and now that THIS is out of the way (or almost), it's 'go time'.
Little did I expect that I would end up sick for days and days...and not a cold sick...like breathing sick -- asthma on top of chest cold.
I"m bummed to report that it has now been 11 days since a workout. But today is the day. Even though I'm still hacking up a lung. I'll be in the water and hope that I can at least do 1/2 the workout without drowning in the 3-foot deep pool. That's the goal.
IT's frustrating, but I'm at least grateful that I still have 12 weeks to go. It's plenty of time and now that THIS is out of the way (or almost), it's 'go time'.
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